The Zen approach to working with people that are difficult (or challenging) requires a combination of mindfulness, detachment
and compassion.  Zen artistry emphasizes the idea of being present in the moment and not allowing your emotions or judgements cloud your ability to communicate and interact with difficult people.  Here are few key ideas when working with difficult people.

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   1. Non-Judgment

        Zen teaches the importance of seeing people as they are; without judgment or labeling them as good or bad.  This is

        admittedly easier said than done.  Some people's behavior simply makes it difficult for you to like them.  Disliking someone

        is largely based on judgments (or assumptions) about their character and/or past actions.  This is often accompanied by
        a measure of frustration or worry about future interactions.  That said, being mindful helps you stay grounded in the present

        moment.  Detachment plays a key role here.  In Zen, the practice is to observe these thoughts without emotional reaction

        to that person.  If possible, try and take a larger view of that person in terms of their strengths and weaknesses.  By staying
        fully present (with good breath control), you can create a mental space where you are less likely to be triggered by the

        other person's behavior and focus instead on the task at hand.

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   2. Compassion and Empathy

        In the spirit of all religions, Zen encourages a sense of compassion not only for the people you like; but for everyone,

        especially, those you find difficult.  When someone is difficult (or dislikes you), it can often stem from a variety of factors,

        including someone's cultural upbringing and bias, negative past experiences, education/training and/or differing values.

        Showing a measure of grace and compassion means that everyone has their own story in terms of their strengths and
        challenges.  This, in turn, can sometimes mean a general acceptance for what is; recognizing that certain people
        or situations may not change.  In doing so, it allows you to be grounded even when that person or set of external
        circumstances remain challenging.
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   3. Right Action and Speech

        Disliking someone comes with expectations; specifically, how they should act or how future interactions should unfold. 

        When interacting with someone who is difficult, try and be fluid and respectful and not react with anger or harshness

        even when you feel it is justified.  When we stop trying to control the behavior of others, we free ourselves from the

        frustration that comes with unmet expectations.  Zen encourages us to act with integrity and to speak truthfully but also

        with kindness.  Practicing the right speech and action can help prevent escalating conflicts and allow for more

        constructive and peaceful interactions. ​
 

​   4. When Someone Dislikes You
        It sometimes happens that this same difficult person is someone who is angry with the world or dislikes you for whatever   
        reason.  The Zen approach to someone disliking you, regardless of their reason, should be grounded in non-attachment,
        awareness and compassion.  Zen teaches that reality is what it is. If someone dislikes you, that is simply a fact of the present          moment — no need to resist it emotionally or mentally.  Think of it as — Ah, this person dislikes me.  This, too, is part of life.

 

        ​Grace in that moment comes from not needing to change the other person's mind or prove yourself.  Let their dislike exist
        without needing to engage with it.  The hardest lesson of all is not to take it personally.  If you have not done anything to
        legitimately offend them, then their dislike of you is likely shaped by their own personal issues, anger and past
        experiences.  Grace means not becoming defensive.  Sometimes, the most graceful response is no response — not out
        of coldness, but clarity.  If a response is needed, the Zen approach might be to respond from being fully present, not     
        emotion.  A simple acknowledgment, a gentle tone, or even a quiet bow (internally or externally) communicates dignity. 
        Once the moment passes, release it.  Don’t rehearse their dislike in your mind.  Don’t build a story or rehash the moment. 
        Let it dissolve like clouds passing over.