Healing is often misunderstood as the complete removal of pain, hardship, or struggle.  Yet some of the deepest religious traditions and psychological insights suggest something very different: healing is not the absence of suffering, but the transformation of our relationship to it.  Human beings naturally seek comfort, certainty, and control.  Life continually reminds
us that hardship and uncertainty are part of being human.  The challenge is not to escape them, but to develop a healthier
and more balanced relationship with them.  Zen philosophy offers a grounded and practical response to this challenge.   
Through awareness and living more fully in the present moment, Zen teaches that peace is not found by escaping life’s difficulties, but by learning to experience them without becoming overwhelmed by them.  In many ways, this aligns closely with the work of psychologist and Holocaust survivor Edith Eva Eger, whose book The Choice explores the idea that while
we cannot always control what happens to us, we can choose how we respond. Together, these perspectives offer a powerful understanding of healing rooted not in perfection, but in awareness, acceptance, responsibility, and transformation.  
As author Ben Okri writes:
 

         The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be 
         greater than our suffering.

Suffering weaves itself through the fabric of everyday life.  It can appear in the mind as anxiety or fear, in the body as tension

or illness, and in the spirit as disconnection or loss of meaning.  There are many reasons people suffer. 
 

Resistance to Change

One of the most common sources of emotional pain is resistance to change.  We naturally want relationships, identities, careers, and communities to remain stable and continue as before.  Yet careers end, children grow older, friendships evolve, and loved ones age.  Much of the pain comes not simply from change itself, but from our struggle to accept that change is inevitable.  Resistance to change can also occur when people overidentify with a profession, social role, or past achievement.  A physician retiring after decades of practice, or a professor stepping away from university life, may suddenly feel disconnected from the identity that once gave life structure and meaning.  Some people struggle to leave long careers behind because their sense of purpose has become deeply tied to the recognition and routine that accompanied the role itself.
 

Stress and Suffering

Stress and suffering are closely connected, though they are not identical.  Stress is the body’s reaction to demands requiring adjustment or adaptation. In moderate amounts, stress can be motivating and productive. It can help people solve problems, meet responsibilities, or pursue meaningful goals.  Suffering, however, is deeper and more enduring. It often involves the emotional weight carried through fear, resentment, guilt, hopelessness, or dissatisfaction. People frequently replay old conversations, relive failures, anticipate future disasters, or build identities around previous wounds.  In doing so, they unknowingly deepen their suffering through constant attachment to the past or fear of the future.  This closely parallels
Zen teachings about awareness and presence.  As author Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now, "The whole essence
of Zen consists in walking along the razor’s edge of Now," specifically, doing your best to live in the present and not the past.  Modern medicine increasingly confirms what Zen and many spiritual traditions have long understood: chronic stress affects the body’s ability to heal.  Individuals who learn to manage stress, remain emotionally grounded, and cultivate inner calm often cope more effectively with illness, injury, and emotional hardship.  Yet healing should not be confused with living free from pain.  Healing is better understood as developing a compassionate and nonjudgmental relationship with oneself.  
It means recognizing that meaningful, connected, and joyful lives remain possible even while carrying imperfections, regrets, or physical limitations. 

Judgment, Expectations, and Misalignment

Much suffering also comes from the way people judge themselves and others. Individuals often carry rigid expectations
about success, identity, relationships, morality, or what life “should” look like. When reality fails to match those expectations, frustration and disappointment can easily follow.  People may judge others because of politics, religion, lifestyle, or personal choices. Yet the harshest judgments are often directed inward.  Many quietly carry feelings of inadequacy, regret, or failure
for years, focusing almost entirely on mistakes while overlooking growth, resilience, and effort. Human beings are
imperfect by nature, yet many still expect perfection from themselves.  Suffering can deepen further when individuals
become disconnected from their authentic values or sense of purpose.  Someone may remain in a career, relationship, or environment that no longer reflects who they truly are simply because change feels frightening or uncertain.  A person may stay in an unfulfilling job for financial security, social status, or fear of starting over, especially when retirement feels just
a few years away.  Zen philosophy encourages a different approach: greater awareness without constant judgment. 
Rather than becoming trapped by rigid identities or unrealistic expectations, healing begins when people learn to observe themselves with honesty, compassion, and presence. In many cases, starting over is not about becoming someone entirely new, but about returning to what feels most authentic and meaningful.
 

Dealing with Chronic Pain and Grief

Chronic pain is especially difficult because of its persistence.  Unlike a temporary physical sprain or tear, chronic pain becomes part of daily life, requiring ongoing adjustment rather than a quick resolution.  Physical pain can affect sleep, mood, energy, relationships, and a person’s sense of independence.  A physical therapist working with someone experiencing chronic pain often understands that healing involves more than simply reducing discomfort.  Patients living with chronic back pain, arthritis, nerve damage, or serious injury may never return completely to the way they once felt physically.  Yet effective therapy frequently focuses on helping individuals regain mobility, confidence, balance, and quality of life despite ongoing limitations.  Progress may come slowly through small improvements, consistency, patience, and learning how to work with the body rather than constantly fighting against it.  This reflects an important truth about healing more broadly.  Healing does not always mean eliminating pain entirely.  Sometimes it means learning how to live meaningfully while pain remains present. Individuals who constantly measure themselves against how they “used to be” often deepen frustration and discouragement.  Gradually accepting present limitations, while continuing to move forward with patience and self-compassion, can become an important part of emotional and physical recovery.

​

Grief often follows a similar path and can quietly reshape the emotional landscape of everyday life long after the initial loss has passed.  The death of a spouse after decades of marriage, the loss of a lifelong friend, or the destruction of a home through fire or natural disaster can leave individuals feeling emotionally shattered and disoriented.  A home, like a marriage or long friendship, often represents far more than physical structure or routine companionship. It carries memories, identity, familiarity, and emotional security.  When such losses occur, people frequently experience not only sadness, but also confusion, anger, loneliness, fear, and a profound sense of displacement.  In the beginning, grief can feel overwhelming and all-consuming.  Yet over time, healing slowly emerges not by erasing the loss, but by gradually learning to carry it differently.  Gradually, people begin adapting to new realities, rebuilding routines, reconnecting with others, and discovering that meaning and moments of peace can still exist alongside sorrow.  The pain may never disappear entirely, but it often softens as individuals learn to live more fully in the present rather than remaining emotionally trapped in what has been lost.

The Paradox of Healing

One of the central insights in The Choice is that while suffering may be universal, victimhood is not inevitable.  
Edith Eva Eger draws an important distinction between victimization and victimhood.  Victimization refers to harmful events that happen to us  and lie beyond our control.  Victimhood, however, becomes a psychological identity rooted in helplessness, blame, or remaining permanently trapped in the past.  Eger argues that healing begins when individuals stop defining themselves solely by what happened to them and instead choose to move forward by creating a renewed sense of purpose, meaning, and identity.  This      is what it means to start over.  Forgiveness is ultimately an act of self-liberation.  Forgiveness does not excuse cruelty or erase injustice. Instead, it frees people from remaining psychologically chained to anger, resentment, or bitterness.  Equally important  is self-forgiveness — learning to let go of mistakes, regrets, and the unrealistic expectation that life should have been navigated perfectly.

​

This is one of the great paradoxes of healing.  A person may live with chronic pain or grief while still experiencing deep love, meaning, and fulfillment.  Someone learning a new skill may fail repeatedly while still becoming wiser, calmer, and more
resilient through the process.  Human beings often focus disproportionately on what is missing or imperfect.  Yet nearly every meaningful achievement in life involves uncertainty, setbacks, and moments of self-doubt.  Starting a business, adjusting
to retirement, recovering from grief, rebuilding after divorce, writing a book, or adapting to illness all involve periods of struggle and starting over.  Healing and starting-over does not require perfection.  More often, it asks for patience, self-awareness, courage, and the willingness to continue moving forward despite setbacks.
 

Healing as an Ongoing Process

Ultimately, healing is not a final destination but an ongoing process of awareness, acceptance, and growth.  Genuine healing often requires honesty, reflection, and the willingness to face painful realities rather than suppress them.  Sometimes it means changing long-held patterns of thinking.  Sometimes it means learning to sit quietly with uncertainty instead of constantly  resisting it.  Healing also invites people to rediscover meaning and purpose.  Many individuals eventually find that suffering deepened their compassion, expanded their understanding of others, or revealed strengths they never knew they possessed.  Pain, while never desirable in itself, can sometimes become a source of wisdom and connection.  When people learn to release rigid expectations, live more fully in the present moment, and respond to themselves and others with compassion and courage, suffering gradually loses its power to define them.  In that quiet space of awareness and acceptance, healing truly begins.

​

​

​

​

​

​

​​​​​​​​